Amidst the chaos...

My life has been controlled chaos for the last 5 weeks.  Incorporating a new little person into a family of four is not an easy task.  Especially when two of those family members are three years old and still require A LOT of Mommy's UNDIVIDED attention. 

George and Clara are learning that the world doesn't revolve around them.  That in itself is a good life lesson, but it still breaks my heart to see their sad faces when I can't meet their needs all the time.  As a stay at home Mommy, before Jack arrived, my life was all about the two of them.  While I also had my household duties to take care of, my days were structured around what George and Clara wanted, needed, would think was fun.  Now it's all about the three of them, but with Jack's needs at the forefront.  I can see that the twins miss our fun adventures, play dates, art projects, cuddle movie time, zoo/museum trips, lunch dates, etc.  I know that this is a temporary change.  When Jack is bigger we will be back to our adventuring selves, but that is hard to explain to a three year old. 

My life has also become a very fragile balancing act.  Trying to keep the house of cards in perfect balance is tough.  If one card falls the whole house seems to come tumbling down.  Just meeting the needs of a newborn alone can be daunting.  Honestly, I view the first few months of a child's life as a Mommy Marathon.  You never get a moment to yourself.  The days run together because you are up all night.  Much like running a marathon, it is a test of endurance and mental strength.  Even though the marathon is exhausting, there is so much to enjoy, to soak in, and to be proud of.  I am really breathing in Jack's newborn-ness.  How I love my littlest monkey. 

Now when you add two other kids into the mix, it might honestly be a Mommy Triathalon.  Meeting the needs of three kids and a husband and a dog is serious business.  I see the division of myself as an exercise in extreme multitasking.  I won't even go into details about the things I can do one handed, while nursing a baby, while answering the phone, while cooking dinner, while bandaging a cut, while playing catch, while feeding the dog, while [insert any Mommy duty here].  All while sleep deprived.  I've become pretty talented in that way.

And you know what goes hand in hand with all of this chaos, with the division of myself, and with the changes in our household?

NOISE.  Lots and lots of noise.  A crying baby.  An impromptu band that of course includes George on the drums.  A toddler TV show.  The dog barking.  A crying baby.  A screaming toddler.  Laughter.  The baby's noise machine.  Dinner sizzling.  Phones ringing.  Roaring three year old dinosaurs.  A cooing baby.  Singing.  A game of tag upstairs.  The vacuum cleaner.  Stomping feet.  Toys banging.  Two three year olds reading to each other.  More laughter.  Doors slamming.  Squealing.  My husband trying to talk over all of this so we can try to catch up with each other. Whew.

I get overwhelmed by the noise.  By the division of my attention.  By the Mommy guilt that all needs aren't being met all the time.  By the thought that I am not doing any of it well but I'm just doing it.  But sometimes when I actually stop and look around at my house, that honestly resembles a war zone, I really pay attention to the noise that is constantly ringing in my ears.

That's when I SEE it.  There is beautiful Clara with her unruly curls, infectious smile, and fiesty personality.  There is sweet George with his constantly dirty face, boisterous laugh, and insatiable curiosity.  There is little Jack, who we are just getting to know but love so so much already.  There is my unbelievable husband who works hard, cooks dinner, rocks babies, entertains three year olds, and still tells me how amazing I am almost daily.  And suddenly the noise seems beautiful.

The noise and chaos amount to so many answered prayers.  This is exactly what I wanted.  This is exactly what I've dreamed of for as long as I can remember.  I have a family.  My very own family.  My amazing husband.  My three little loves that will have each other forever.  Amid the chaos there is such beauty to this family.  Such beauty in these answered prayers. So today I am thankful for all of this change and the hard things that come with growing my wonderful loving fantastic family