Too close for comfort

A few months ago I found a lump in my right breast.  I went to the doctor who gave me orders for a mammogram and ultrasound.  I couldn't get in for a few weeks for those tests.  I walked through those days waiting for my appointment drenched in anxiety.  I was bracing myself for the worst news.  I was bracing myself for the worst outcome.  I was mentally preparing to deal with hearing the c word.  I was figuring out logistics for my treatment.

John thought I was crazy.  Pessimistic is what he called me.  But our family doesn't have the best track record for these things, now do we?  I mean wouldn't it be fitting for me to get diagnosed with cancer in January of my 32nd year?  That was when my brother was diagnosed...January of his 32nd year.

I walked into my scheduled appointment a bundle of nerves and just about lost it when I saw all of the pink ribbons for breast cancer awareness, all of the information regarding support groups, and the words of encouragement plastered on the walls.  The mammogram was no big deal.  I sat in my robe in the waiting room with three other ladies for my ultrasound and to speak to the doctor regarding the results.  Each time someone else was called back I held my breath.  We were all there for the same reason.  We would all hear either good or bad news today.  I wanted to stand up and pace but knew I would look like a total freak if I did.  I texted John non-stop.  I literally almost threw up.  They finally called me back for the ultrasound.  Another procedure that was no big deal physically, but mentally I was doing everything I could to not come unglued.  All I could think about was my two sweet babies and no matter what the outcome of these tests...I HAD to be there for them.  The doctor walked in and told me the lump was a cyst in the tissue of my skin.  Everything looked fine.  To say I exhaled is to put it mildly.  Holy cow that was too close for comfort.

I don't usually chronicle these types of things in my life because...well...they are personal, but I am today for this woman Jen whose results were the exact opposite of mine.  She is also 32 years old.  She also has red hair. She also has two kids.  And now she has cancer.  I found her blog through one of my favorite reads, Momastery, so I am putting this out there to you for her.  Whatever you believe in...whoever you call God, positive energy, karma...please speak her name out into this universe and ask for her healing so she can be there for her two sweet babies.  I know I don't have tons of followers of this blog but every voice counts.  It did for my brother so I pray and hope and wish it will for her.  I will pray for Jen for healing, for strength, for comfort, and for her to find her fighting spirit and fight through it...for herself, for her family, and especially for her sweet babies.